Goat Story - Jimmy Removes His Helmet

  • (The first to climb out, Katy gracefully slides down to the bottom of the volcano hill.)
  • Katy: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing.
  • (Behind her, Goat tumbles his way down.)
  • (She turns to see Jimmy and Matthew slide down and crash into Goat.)
  • Katy: Thy deed is good, and Shrek is love. I am eternally in your debt.
  • Goat: Ahem...
  • Katy: And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
  • (She reaches down, squeezing Goat's face.)
  • Goat: I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She thinks I'm a goat.
  • (Katy chuckles while Matthew rolls his eyes.)
  • Katy: The battle is won. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.
  • (They both give Katy a wide-eyed look.)
  • Matthew: Hmm?
  • Goat: With Jimmy? Whoa, hold on a sec. Do you figure that Jimmy is your true love?
  • Katy: Well...yes.
  • (Katy sheepishly smiles at Jimmy. Goat, Jimmy, and Matthew turn to each other and laugh.)
  • Matthew: (Laughing) I guess Jimmy is your true love!
  • Katy: (Annoyed) What is so funny?
  • Jimmy: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?
  • Katy: You're my rescuer. Now remove your helmet.
  • Jimmy: Look. I really don't suppose this is a good idea.
  • Katy: Take off the helmet.
  • Jimmy: I'm not going to.
  • Katy: Take it off.
  • Jimmy: No!
  • Katy: NOW!
  • Jimmy: Okay! Easy! As you command, your Highness.
  • (Jimmy takes off his helmet and reveals his watchmaker self. Katy looks at him blankly, confused but not frightened by Japanese ogres. Jimmy awkwardly grins.)
  • Katy: You're... a watchmaker.
  • Jimmy: Oh, you were expecting Japanese ogres?
  • Katy: Well-- yes, actually. You ought to be chased by Japanese ogres! (walks off)
  • Jimmy: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by the Blue Devil, okay? I'm the one who wants to marry you.
  • Katy: Why didn't he come to rescue me?
  • Jimmy: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
  • (Jimmy turns and removes what little armor is still left attached to him.)
  • Katy: But I have to be rescued by my true love! Not some Japanese ogres and their pet.
  • Matthew: Well, so much for noble steed.
  • Jimmy: Look, princess, you're not making my job any easier.
  • Katy: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. Talk to the Japanese ogres before they come. I'll be waiting for him right here. (takes a seat on a nearby rock)
  • Jimmy: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? (Gets up in Katy's face) I'm a delivery boy.
  • Katy: You wouldn't dare.
  • (Jimmy picks Katy up and slings Katy over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes.)
  • Katy: Ah! Put me down!
  • Jimmy: Ya comin', Goat?
  • Goat: I'm right behind ya.
  • Katy: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down!
  • (Katy smacks Jimmy on the back of the head and screams in frustration.)

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